Use Somebody
by thewayigetby
Summary: Inspired by Kings of Leon: Edward has been warned about the elusive Bella Swan. Yet her mystery captivates him and he can't look away even as she pushes him the more he prods. Are the rumors true or does she just need somebody? Someone like Edward?
1. Chapter 1

_All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his._

_-Oscar Wilde_

**Prologue**

I look down while I walk. I'm never looking at much.

I see the checkered linoleum that has a new layer of shellac over decades of wear and tear.

I see the shuffling of my own two feet. Left right left.

I see the fraying of my worn in and soon to be sole-less moccasins.

I see my vision blur as a glaze covers my eyes.

Some days I see red and I feel hate. Those days are more frequent than the days I see blue.

I've memorized my class schedule and can walk to and from class without looking up once. Those four minutes between classes as I stare intently at my dragging feet and severely scuffed shoes, I allow myself to remember. I let her voice come back, screaming and yelling. My eyes haze over, but my feet keep moving. They remember the path, they know not to stop. They effectively avoid and ignore other students.

Four minutes to grieve.

Fifty-six to repress.

For six weeks, this has been the pattern. I give myself four minutes every hour to retreat into the shell of a human I have become and rest amongst the debris. I do this, so I can hold myself together and shield all the guilt, anger, and grief under a convincing façade, which assures concerned eyes that despite it all, I am all right.

I am a poor actor. I can barely stay in character for an hour, yet I have my audience convinced. I am a bad actor and a worse liar, but my audience is gullible, they do not really look. They see my motions and hear my words, and see me still breathing everyday. From this minimal and superficial evidence, they have concluded that I have returned to teenage normalcy. The events of six weeks ago have been dismissed from their minds. By now, new gossip has captured their attention.

The bell sounds as I cross the threshold into third period. It may as well be an alarm clock, awakening me with a shudder as I pull myself from the depths of my mind and lift my heavy head, ready for the monotony of high school.

This was the pattern.

Until he made me break it.

**Chapter 1 BPOV**

"Bells?" my dad asked hesitantly, interrupting the clanging of spoons against milk drowned Raisin Bran.

"Yeah Dad?" I replied without looking up from my cereal.

"I'm, uh, sorry about your birthday." His voice was merely a whisper as he mumbled through a halfhearted apology.

My birthday was a month ago. What should have been a celebration of adulthood, full of lottery ticket and cigarette buying, was merely another day. I barely noticed, until I wrote down the date on top of my notes, September 13th. It hadn't registered with me. Unlike past years, where there were colorful birthday parties and sloppily constructed, homemade cakes, there was no celebrating this year.

"Not a problem. You know I don't like the attention anyways." I forced a weak smile while collecting my empty dish and putting it in the sink. Nodding a goodbye to Charlie, I grabbed my book bag and raincoat and headed out the door.

It was the middle of October, two weeks away from Halloween and already, pumpkins lined front porches, and I wondered how long it would take for them to be splattered chunks on the street. It was foggy and moist out, the kind of weather that makes you feel as though you've submerged yourself into a hot bath. Leaping over puddles of water, I approached my rusty red truck, and cranked open the door, its loud creak upsetting the quiet of this muggy Thursday morning in lovely Forks, Washington.

Hopping in, I smiled, remembering when Charlie and Renee surprised me with this beast of a car during the summer. Alice had just dropped me off from one of our long shopping extravaganzas and commented on the "red monstrosity" blocking my driveway. After a hasty goodbye to Alice, I had run into the house, my mouth agape since noticing the newest vehicular edition to our driveway. My parents were in the kitchen, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary was happening, when Charlie presented me with the keys, just dangling them in front of my glittering eyes, as though they didn't represent freedom.

I had been bugging my parents about getting me my own car, as I was tired of my meek options of transportation. Either I could get a ride in the police cruiser or wait on Alice, which, with her maniacal driving and long morning ritual, would either land me in detention every week or wrapped around a telephone pole. Begrudgingly, I chose the cruiser, subjecting myself to red cheeks and teasing stares every morning my junior year.

But with senior year rolling around, I had been petitioning for a car since May. Subtly circling ads in the paper for cheap cars and leaving them on the breakfast table, taped on the tv screen, on the toilet, everywhere. I was nothing, if not persistent.

Without realizing that I had been driving the entire time, I pulled into a spot in Forks High School parking lot and tore myself from the happy memory. Hoping that I didn't leave a path of destruction behind me, I surveyed the area and breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't see any bloody corpses or wrecked cars. My truck would take out any car; it was built like a machine.

I did, however, notice a new car. There were only two cars that were so ostentatious you could spot them from anywhere, Alice's yellow mustang and Rosalie's cherry red convertible, a stupid choice for this weather if you ask me. But today there was another shiny new car, a mammoth silver Jeep Wrangler with monster truck sized tires. It had to be at least four feet off the ground, so there was no way a female owned that thing.

Gathering my books, I heard the bell ring, so I hightailed it to homeroom, just in time for morning announcements, where the Jeep was the farthest thing from my mind.

There was a loud slap on our cafeteria table, causing me to jump and almost fall out of my chair. "Snap the fuck out of it," sneered Rose.

"Rose! Cool it. Everyone's staring," snapped Alice, "and leave her alone." Alice was always coming to my aid. And it was true, the entire cafeteria seemed to have stilled for a quiet moment before bustling back into its normal fervor.

"Who cares? She needs to stop fucking mopping. And she has no idea what I was just talking about."

"Umm…what were you saying?" I said, snapping out of my daze, but not taking my eyes off the lemonade cap I was twirling on the table. I figured there was no arguing with Rose, she was right, I had lost myself in memories again.

"Well, if you had been listening the first time, you would be begging me to tell you more about the new student in my history class," Rose excitedly answered, her annoyance at me forgotten. "His name's Emmett and he's gorgeous. I can't wait to sink my claws into that baby. He's got shoulders to die for; ones you latch onto while you're getting the ride of your life. Mmm. And did I tell you he has dimples? Yeah, adorable little dimples. God, I want to lick--"

"Enough please," Alice said sighing, "You'll be done with him before we even get to see this guy around school."

"Well I'm sorry Miss Priss, just because you're not getting any from your hot and cold boyfriend, doesn't mean the rest of us can't fantasize."

_Uh-oh_, Rose just brought up Jasper. My eyes shot up and I saw Alice holding back her retort. Her eyes were sad, they drooped down and the normal sparkle had vacated her usually vibrant hazel irises. Composing herself, Alice got up from the table, elegantly striding across the cafeteria and depositing her barely eaten tray in the trash before leaving.

"Well shit, I didn't mean for that to happen." Rose looked as though she was about to follow Alice out, but decided against it. "I'll apologize after school. I know it was a low blow, so stop looking at me like that."

I wasn't aware I was giving her any look, but I lowered my head anyways and resumed the mindless twirling of my bottle cap. Rose sighed, "You never used to be like this. You didn't take my crap, you would have ripped me a new asshole two months ago for teasing Alice about Jasper's bible thumping ways. Where the hell is my best friend?"

"She's here, just hiding out for a bit," I whispered, pretending that I believed the bullshit I was spouting.

Glancing at the clock, I saw there was ten minutes left to lunch before the bell, so I nodded a goodbye to Rose and walked, head down, out the door to the aqueduct that lead past our school. Alice was already there, sitting on a rock, her knees hugged to her chest with a cigarette burning away in her right hand. Wordlessly, she handed me a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Lighting up, I smiled for the first time that day. My one indulgence, it never failed to brighten my mood.

Alice and I had claimed this spot as our own last year. Rose didn't agree with our lunchtime habit so she never joined us, instead opting to sneak into the teacher's lounge for some free coffee. It was silent as we both inhaled and exhaled smoke, enjoying each other's company before Alice chimed in, "Why are you still wearing those shoes? I thought we were going to burn them."

Leave it to Alice to bring up my clothing choices. "I'm wearing them into the ground first." I checked out my beat up brown moccasins, which were once tan; they were several wears away from falling apart and I intended to don them until they wouldn't stay on my feet.

"Whatever, we should go shoe shopping."

"Alright."

Alice's face brightened up at my concurrence, transforming back into her normal happy-go-lucky, pixie-self, "This weekend Bella, I know you. If I don't capitalize on this, you'll bail on me. Tell Rose when you see her last period." And with that Alice hopped of her rock and stubbed out her cigarette. While she waited for me to do the same, the period bell rang signaling the end of the lunch hour.

"How the hell do you always know when the bell's going to ring?" I inquired.

"ESP of course," she giggled.

We both walked towards the school and departed, Alice off to French and I to biology. Earlier in the year when the Swan name became synonymous with crazy, my lab partner, Lauren Mallory, ditched me for a seat next to Jessica Stanley, so I had my own table in the back of the classroom. Taking the seat closer to the window I stared out at the scenery of green. There was no physical evidence that the seasons had changed from summer to autumn and I was daydreaming about falling leaves and pumpkin patches when Mr. Banner called attention to the front of the class.

"Class, we have a new student joining us…Edward Cullen," he said after double-checking the name on his attendance list. "If you'll just take that empty seat in the back next to Isabella we can get started today."

I cringed when Mr. Banner said my full name and my eyes swept across my new lab partner. I was immediately entranced by the color of his hair. _Was he a redhead or a brunette? Is it even appropriate to refer to men as brunettes? Maybe he's a hybrid of the two…like bronze. _A smile crept onto my face. _I like that, bronze haired._

While my internal rambling continued its tangential course, said bronze haired boy trudged his way to the back of the classroom and slumped into the stool beside me.

He made no effort to speak to me, so I took out my notebook as a front for taking notes. Mr. Banner was well aware that I used his class period to daydream and doodle, yet he never said anything to me.

Instead of focusing my attention outside the classroom as I usually did, I found my eyes sweeping to the right of me at the bronze-haired boy. His hair was not only a magnificent metallic color, but it was in elegant disarray, like he had been running his hand through it all day long as a stress reliever. As if he heard my thoughts, he ran his hand through his hair, scratching his scalp and I couldn't help but chuckle. Instantly, accusatory emerald eyes pierced mine and I snapped my head straight ahead while I felt the heat creep up my cheeks.

_Great, I'm probably beet red._ I did _not_ look at bronze haired boy again for the entire period, but his heated glare was permanently imprinted in my mind.

Finally, the bell rang and I rushed out of class, running straight into Mike Newton on the way out.

"Ooff." My small body collided into his chest, warm and solid. It felt…comforting. Grabbing my shoulders, he thrust me out at an arm's length, an unreadable expression morphing his pretty-boy face, which was peculiar, either he was puppy dog sad or cheerfully happy. _What you see is what you get with Mr. Newton._

"Bella?" he asked hesitantly and I saw hope flutter into his eyes. Instead of answering, I ducked my head down into my chest and followed the linoleum lines to my next class, reeling with dormant and unwelcome satisfaction.

At the end of the day, I trudged out to the bustling parking lot where Alice and Rose summoned me over to their cars. "So I hear you had an encounter with Mike today," prompted Rose. She was not known for her subtlety.

"I ran into him on the way out from bio, and how the hell did you know that already? I hate how small our school is."

"Was it by accident?" questioned Alice, eager for more information.

"Of course it was."

"You know you made his day, right?" snorted Rose. I flipped her off and her smile widened. "There she is. I knew she was hiding somewhere underneath all of that hideous clothing."

I couldn't help but smile right back. Today, in comparison to the last two months, had been pretty damn good. I was unused to smiling and laughing so freely. It was refreshing.

I started to walk towards my car, when Alice reminded me about the shopping trip I promised this weekend. "I said I'd be there," I grumbled over my shoulder, knowing that Rose's quip about my clothes did not go unnoticed by Alice.

As I hopped in the cab of my truck, I turned in time to see a bronze head leap into the passenger side of the oversized Jeep I saw this morning. _Bronze haired boy has quite the vehicle. Perhaps he's compensating for something else…_I laughed at myself and turned the key, my beast coming to life with its usual fanfare of rumbling and puttering, making it sound like a dying dog hacking up a bone.

As I checked my mirrors, I saw Mike Newton making his way towards my car; he looked like he wanted to talk. _Shit._ Cutting off another car, I floored it out of there, leaving behind a path of rubber and dust.


	2. Chapter 2

Updated Chapter 2, now complete!! Sorry for the wait. Please reread! Edward finally meets Miss Bella, which is always fun.

**Chapter 2 EPOV:**

"Edward" a melodic voice rang out. Opening my eyes, I saw a hot brunette in nothing but a towel and a sexy smile full of innuendos standing at the foot of my bed. Her hair was wet and water droplets were running down her skin slipping underneath her towel. I wanted to follow their path with my tongue. I extended a hand to this beautiful girl with chocolate brown eyes and a soft voice.

"Wake up you little shit!" _What the fuck? _That agitating snarl did not belong to my brunette babe. _Oh well, now where was I?_ _Oh yes, my brunette babe here just decided it was too hot for clothing and was unpeeling her towel to reveal—_KNOCK KNOCK.

"Motherfucker! What?!" I screamed, jerked out of my dream. My eyes opened to reveal my brother standing in my doorway and all traces of my morning arousal gone.

"Get the fuck up man, we're gonna be late for our first day" he whined.

"Emmett, why do you give a shit? No one is gonna care if we're late. We're new, we can say we got lost or something."

"There's one road in this bumblefuck town. We'd have to be idiots to get lost. Now get up, mom made pancakes." And with that, Emmett clambered down the stairs, making my bed vibrate with his retreat. Sighing and rubbing my hands through my hair, I got up and dressed in whatever was closest to my bed, turned out to be jeans and a grey button down. Slipping them on, I walked downstairs, half blinded by the sleepies still in my eyes and settled into a chair at the kitchen table. After rubbing my eyes clean, a steaming plate of banana pancakes sat in front of me and I dug in.

In between bites, Emmett reminded me that he was driving today. I groaned, "Mom, want to give me a ride to school today?"

"Why can't you go with Emmett?" she questioned.

"Because he has a ridiculous car and I wouldn't mind blending in today. No reason to cause a ruckus our first day," I pleaded, attempting my fool proof charming grin. She wasn't as easily swayed as the normal recipients of my smile.

Emmett interjected, "Suck it up man, you're driving me with today. Your car is coming in a week and you can blend in then. We Cullen men need to make a statement our first day that we are not to be fucked with." Emmett finished his speech with a fist pound on the table causing the silverware to clatter.

"Language, Emmett," scolded our mom, rolling her eyes at the same time. She can never take Emmett seriously, but then again, no one else can either. Standing at six foot five, he should have been an intimidating motherfucker, but instead he looked like a damn teddy bear with dimples he inherited from our dad, Carlisle. Women loved those fucking dimples.

"Fine, whatever," I sighed, hoping that my Volvo would arrive sooner than the car service estimated, "I'll be ready in ten."

It took us fifteen minutes and two left turns to get to Forks High School; Emmett drove slow, wanting to "enjoy the scenery." Pulling in next to an Audi A4 red convertible in the front row, I jumped out of Emmett's monstrous vehicle and looked at the school we'd be attending for the next seven months. It wasn't the usual huge brick structure with chain link fence we were accustomed to attending. Instead, it was a scattering of several small houses with large numbers, ranging from one to seven painted in white above the front doors. I snorted, _well doesn't this look official?_

"Come on, Eddie," Emmett was halfway to the main office and I jogged to catch up. Entering into the building with the appropriate title of "1" we were greeted with a friendly "good morning" by a plump woman dressed in mom jeans. Her nameplate read Mrs. Cope. After handing us our schedules, she described a bit about a typical day and located the main buildings for us on a postcard sized map. When the first bell rang, Mrs. Cope shooed us out of the main office while wishing us a great first day.

Fortunately Emmett and I had first period together, American history. Entering into the class we walked up to the teacher's desk and handed him the pink slip we needed to have signed by all of our teachers. Telling us he'd find us textbooks for tomorrow, he pointed to two seats paired in the left corner of the classroom and we shuffled our way past desks, Emmett bumping into several as his bulky frame tried to navigate the slender aisles.

I started to zone out as soon as Mr. Laine began his lecture, not really caring about the French and Indian War or the Proclamation Line of 1763, when Emmett leaned over to my desk whispering, "Check out the blonde," while indiscreetly pointing two rows up.

Starting at her legs, my eyes wove their way up her body, stopping along the way to appreciate some of her enhanced…ahem assets. She was built like a cheerleader, long muscular legs and flowing blonde hair. I couldn't see her face, but from the way this bitch held herself, sitting erect in her chair with her legs crossed, I knew she'd look like every guy's wet dream, with luscious tits and puckered lips. _Speaking of wet dreams, I never got to finish this morning…_I stifled a groan as my body reacted all too happily to the return of my towel-less brunette babe. Emmett, thinking the blonde caused my straining situation, quickly claimed her, "Hey man, I saw her first. I was just letting you have a little look so you could be jealous when I snag that."

Instead of bringing up my torturous, unfulfilled fantasy, I played it off, "Yeah, whatever, she's more your type anyway. And if her front is better than her backside, you better be thanking me that I'm not giving you any competition."

"As if she'd give you a second look. God she looks delicious, but definitely not a janitors closet kind of girl. Maybe I could sweet talk her into it…"

I decided to change subjects, "What do you have next?"

"English with Rosenbaum," he replied after tearing his eyes off the blonde's ass.

"Shit, I have Calc. Please tell me you have gym third period."

"Yeah, I'll see you then." The bell rang and Emmett rushed off, tailing the blonde from a distance, presumably to catch a glimpse of her face and then ravage her in the nearest closet. I took my time getting to calculus, having already taken it I wasn't too thrilled to have to sit through derivatives and shit again.

I made it to Building 4 with one minute to spare and approached Ms. Wilson's desk. She was a younger woman, not what I expected, mid-thirties with mousy brown hair and a prominent hooknose. _Do not stare at it. Do not stare_. _Ugh, too late_. She noticed my gaping and pointed me in the direction of an open seat without saying a word, her wide smile slipping into a grimace. _Shit, just what I need on my first day._

I sat down next to a giggling girl who leaned over her desk and snickered, "You're on her bad side now."

"Yeah I've noticed." Turning, I found her face inches from mine, invading my personal space. Backing up, I took in her full cheeks and straight feathery brown hair. Her cleavage was on display with her arm folded under them, as though she were offering them up to me on a plate.

"I'm Jessica," she said in a breathless voice.

"I'm Ed—"

"Edward Cullen, yeah I know. My mom hasn't stopped talking about your family's arrival into town, something about your dad being a surgeon. My mom's a nurse at the hospital here, and she was excited about his arrival, something about bringing real talent into this town. I dunno." She waved her hand as though she were dismissing the subject. "I heard you have a twin, Emmett. Is he in this class?" She looked around expectantly. _Jesus, she talks a lot. _

"No he's not."

"Oh well, maybe you two could sit with us at lunch. You know, since you don't know anyone and all. My friend, Lauren is really excited to meet you."

"Yeah sure." _Does my reputation precede me?_

"Great! We should probably stop talking, I don't want to get you in anymore trouble with Wilson." Jessica ended our one-sided conversation and started texting someone on her phone. I snorted and Ms. Wilson shot me a death-glare. _Shit._

I booked it out of calc and made it to the gym before Emmett did, so I found our assigned lockers and changed into the required gym uniform of a grey t-shirt and green shorts. I saw Emmett's head bouncing up and down over the lockers as he made his way towards me. He had a doofy ass grin on his face, so either he just got laid or he had snagged a date with the blonde, and I didn't want to hear about either, so I avoided eye contact.

"Eddie," Emmett broke the silence after he changed.

"What?"

"I'm the best brother in the world."

"Oh yeah? And why's that?" I smirked.

"Because I just found the perfect chick for you." I turned to face Emmett and he looked absolutely serious. I nodded for him to continue, "I was following the blonde from history, her name's Rosalie by the way, and yes, before you ask, I stalked her ass and she's fucking perfect. Didn't get to talk to her though…" he mused.

"Emmett."

"Oh yeah, sorry. So I followed her to her next class and she met up with this brunette chick, called her Bella or something like that, and holy shit man. It's like she was genetically created for you. Long hair, nice perky tits and a slender ass body."

I was mulling his description over in my head, creating a nice image as we walked into the gymnasium to sit on the bleachers. "You said her name was Bella?"

"Yeah and she's fucking beautiful." _Hmm, Bella. _

We were silent as the teacher took attendance and assigned us to a basketball group for the day. There were six of us, so we played three on three for the class period; Emmett and I were paired with a short Asian whose black hair shielded his eyes from actually seeing the damn basketball. Emmett and I normally play well together, but some blonde kid on the other team guarded me as tightly as a goddamn puppy and after forty-five minutes of play, we lost.

"Hey good game back there," yelled the blonde guy as we walked into the locker rooms, "I'm Mike by the way."

"Edward. And you too," I shook his outstretched hand. Emmett introduced himself and did the same.

"So…uhh hey, I heard you talking about Bella earlier," Mike mumbled, reaching a hand up to scratch his head. _Shit, I hope he's not her boyfriend, because this is going to get fucking awkward._ "I'd stay away from her. She's not someone you'd want to associate yourself with on your first day. She doesn't exactly have the best reputation here. So yeah, you'd do best to just leave her alone," he warned and then walked away muttering to himself.

_Now I'm fucking confused…and intrigued._ I looked over at Emmett and saw an identical expression on his face. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I dunno, man, but he's either her boyfriend or she's a crazy bitch," Emmett chuckled, "Let's get lunch, I'm starving." We changed quickly and headed to the cafeteria. We both had a free period off before lunch, so we decided to eat early and lounge in the cafeteria for the next hour and a half.

We bought our food; they had a surprisingly decent selection for such a small school, pizza, soda, and French fries. Forks High School didn't seem to be hit by the healthy, organic food wave that is sweeping obese America. _A town this small; it's a wonder it's even on a damn map. _

As Emmett and I scouted out a table, I remembered Jessica's invitation and saw her waving me over. I nudged Emmett and he gave me a curious smile, but followed without a word.

I sat down next to a beaming Jessica, who quickly introduced herself to Emmett, "Hey, I'm Jessica! You must be Emmett," her eyes scanning up his body. "This is Lauren, Angela and Mike." She pointed first to a stacked chick dressed head to toe in tight Abercrombie, then a timid girl with glasses, and then the puppy dog from our gym class.

"Hey guys." I offered a perfunctory hello and nod, then pretended to listen as Jessica yammered on and on about a party tonight**. **_You're so much prettier when your mouth is closed sweetheart. _I smiled at my own thought, turning my attention to Lauren who was trying to get a word in between Jessica's constant chatting. _Now you're more like it. Pouty lips, some sweet ass curves underneath that painted on shirt and short denim skirt. If I angle just right I can probably see her panties…pink, probably a thong. I'm not surprised, it suits her. Wait…did she just spread her thighs wider?!_

"So will I see you there?" I looked up from the juncture of Lauren's thighs to see her expectant and smirking face. _Damn, she caught me, I' m usually much more suave. _ Feigning disinterest, I gave a casual, "Sure." As Jessica spouted out the details of the time and place, I looked over to find an oddly quiet Emmett searching the crowds.

"Blondie not here?" I teased, not used to seeing Emmett so determined to talk to a girl.

"No, she must have lunch next period." Emmett actually looked disappointed. _She must have looked damn good from the front._ He turned back to face the table and spoke, "So Mike, what the hell were you getting at before?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it," he responded quietly.

"Alright man, I hope she's not crazy because I think Eddie here would like Bella." Jessica and Lauren immediately stopped their conversation and snapped their heads in Mike's direction. He actually cowered down in his seat.

"Bella Swan?" Jessica sneered.

"Leave it alone, Jessica," pleaded Mike.

"No, I will not," she punctuated each syllable, "Are you talking to that whore again? Did you not get enough the first time? Or are you begging on your hands and knees for her to take you back?"

"For the last time, she's not a fucking whore," snapped Mike, "And stop talking about her, you don't know anything." _What is going on? This sounds like some sick love triangle._

"Ha. I don't know anything? Elaborate then please Mike. Tell me your whole sob story, I'm dying to hear it again."

"So help me God Jessica…"

Emmett seemed to have had enough, "What the fuck are you two talking about?"

"Stay away from Bella Swan. She is as weird and psychotic as the rest of her family," huffed Jessica. Mike just sighed; his head in his hands, clearly distraught from whatever Jessica was bringing up about Bella.

"Alright, alright," Emmett held up his hands, as though he were surrendering, "I didn't mean to start shit, I was just curious." Luckily the bell rang shortly after our table fell quiet and all four of them left for class.

"So what the fuck was that?" I asked Emmett once we were alone, my hands running through my hair, a nervous habit I've had since childhood.

"Dude, I have no idea, but she sounds untouchable so just leave it be," he advised. As usual, he switched subjects without pause, "Hey, check out Rosalie," he nodded behind me.

I turned my head to see Rosalie in an animated conversation; she was moving her hands, grabbing air, and gesturing wildly. Her tight sweater revealed a hint of supple cleavage, but with all her movements, her breasts were bouncing up and down, revealing more and more through the v-neck of her sweater. I looked up, away from her hypnotizing and gyrating boobs. Rosalie was perfect, just as Emmett had described. She had blonde hair, not the fake platinum bleached hair, but yellow hair that shined. She had on deep red lipstick and heavy makeup around her eyes, drawing attention to their bright blue hue.

"Fucking perfect right?" prompted Emmett, a smile of pride on his face, at having found her first.

"She's like Barbie reincarnated." I mused. Snapping my attention away from Rosalie, I turned to question Emmett, "So what are your big wooing plans?"

He shook his head, "No scripted lines this time my friend. I'm going au natural. Something tells me she's going to be one tough tiger to tame."

Just then a loud slap echoed through the cafeteria and we both turned our heads to see an irate Rosalie yelling at a girl at her table. I couldn't see much of her except a curtain of brown hair that cascaded down her back.

"Yup, a tiger all right," Emmett laughed after seeing Rosalie's antics, which sent a small black haired girl walking away from the table.

The rest of our lunch period was consumed with Emmett's sulking. He never got a chance to talk to Rosalie; she had gotten up to leave just as he got up the nerve to approach her. As the bell rang, I was all too happy to get to biology, _what the hell is up with him anyway? He just met the girl…actually he didn't even meet her. _

I entered the classroom and saw Lauren and Jessica sitting at a lab table together. As I was deciding whether or not this was a good thing, I saw Mike sitting behind them and immediately decided that no, knowing someone in this class was not a good thing. With all their secrecy about this Bella girl, I didn't really like the vibe I got from Mike, or Jessica for that matter. The last thing I want is to get involved in some seedy love triangle_. Lauren seemed pretty uninvolved…_I snuck a glance at Lauren and she gave me a wide smile and a subtle wink. _Yeah, she's alright in my book._

I approached the teacher's desk, hoping to avoid another disastrous first impression and was greeted by an energetic man with square rimmed glasses. He introduced himself as Mr. Banner as I wordlessly handed him my pink slip. He turned to make an announcement, "Class, we have a new student joining us…Edward Cullen." He directed me towards the back of the classroom, "If you'll just take that empty seat in the back next to Isabella we can get started today."

Shuffling to the back of the classroom, I took the time to check out my new lab partner. She was pretty, thick brown hair and pale skin…she looked familiar though. She was staring straight back at me, or maybe behind me, I couldn't quite tell, her eyes were foggy, as though she was in deep thought, distracted. Then she smiled. _Holy shit. She is my brunette babe reincarnated._ My eyes bugged out of my head as images of my innocent lab partner clad in nothing but a towel came back at me full force.

I sat down onto my stool quickly, all too aware of the erection pressing against the confines of my jeans. I stared straight ahead, listening intently to Mr. Banner's lecture on cell meiosis, but my body, one throbbing part in particular, kept insisting that I turn to face the personification of my wet dream. _I was being fucking haunted by my fantasy._ I ran my hands through my hair, exasperated at how persistent my dick was being about my brunette babe, _I need to get fucking laid._

I heard a giggle erupt next to me. _She just fucking laughed at me. My fantasy is mocking me._ I turned to stare at her, more out of anger than desire. But when I saw pink stain her cheeks and her mouth agape as she realized she got caught staring, my anger quickly dissipated, replaced by raw need. I imagined her flushed skin right out of a warm shower, her hair dripping water onto my chest as she straddles my waist, her towel discarded—_NOT helping._

I groaned quietly and apologized to my balls,_ I'm sorry about your indigo hue today, I promise we'll take care of it as soon as we get home…in two more hours_. Dragging my hands through my hair, I realized that I was not above pleading with the clock, _Hurry up hurry up_ _hurry up_. _Fuck._ I tried distracting myself, thinking of my parents going at it, of Emmett's hairy ass, of Ms. Wilson's huge nose, of that time a freshman fucking bit my dick last year, but to no avail. My situation was here to stay as long as my brunette babe was within touching distance. _Fuck fuck fuck._

Finally the bell rang and I watched my lab partner jolt out of her seat and damn it, she looked just as good from behind. As I was watching the sway of her jean clad ass, I saw her run smack into Mike's chest and then they kind of cuddled for a second. _Weird_. Reaching down, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder just as I heard Mike ask, "Bella?"

_That's Bella?_ _My lab partner? My brunette babe? Emmett does know me well. _I struggled to recall the name Mr. Banner said when I walked into the class…_Isabella_…_Bella_…_Fuck I'm dense._ Looking over, I saw Jessica fuming and her immature reaction confirmed it, my lab partner was the untouchable crazy. _Strange how that doesn't bother me._

When my newest epiphany sank in, I realized that I felt an imaginary weight lift off my shoulders. My brunette babe was taken or tainted, whichever, so I shouldn't be haunted by her again tomorrow, being in her presence wouldn't be so damn distracting either. Smiling for the first time in an hour, I walked out the door past a frozen Mike, and headed to building 3 for Literature. Lauren slipped her arm through mine and I did nothing to remove it. _Bold._ "Hello there."

"Hey Edward." That's all she replied. _Hm._ We walked in comfortable silence until I reached my classroom and I nodded to the door, asking if she had Lit also. She gave me a coy smile and unlinked our arms, saying, "I'm this way. But I'll see you tomorrow night at Brandon's for the party" and then sashayed off down the hall. _Very bold. I kind of like it. _

The rest of the day went by quickly and painlessly and before I knew it I was leaning up against Emmett's car waiting for him to get out here so we could go home. He walked out of the building, or rather strutted, a triumphant smile on his face.

"What'd you do?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at his antics.

"Nothing man. Nothing. Just held a door open for Rosalie earlier today. I'd say I'm officially in."

I scoffed, "I doubt she remembers you idiot."

"Oh she remembers me, even though we didn't talk." To further prove his point Emmett spotted Rosalie in the parking lot and waved, his arm fully extended above his hand. Looking over my shoulder, I saw her return the wave with one of those seductive finger-rippling ones.

"Well shit," I was surprised, Emmett is not known for his subtlety, especially in flirting.

Jumping into the car he explained, "I'm simply planting the seed my friend. Soon I will water the seed and it will grow into a plant, and then I will fuck the plant." I laughed at Emmett's misquoting as he pulled out into the stream of traffic.

"You are fuckin—" My insult was cut off as Emmett slammed on the brakes to avoid a collision with a red rickety truck that gunned out of its spot, inches in front of us. "Holy shit," I wheezed, my lungs crushed under the taut strap of my seatbelt.

"You okay man?"

"Yeah I'm fine…What a dick."

"I'm just glad my baby's okay," he said, patting and rubbing the dashboard like a child. "If anyone put a scratch on her I'd have their head." I rolled my eyes, but realized that I was just as anal about my car, _if only it'd just fucking get here already_.

When we got home, I trudged upstairs and collapsed on my unmade bed, reveling in the silence and comfort. It seemed like fucking forever ago, I was rudely awakened from this very spot, when in reality it was only eight hours ago. _Thank god tomorrow is Friday._

I woke up two hours later and the sun had already set. Most of the branches outside my window had lost their leaves and where scratching at my window, causing goosebumps to erupt down my back. _Sounds worse than nails on a chalkboard_. Getting up, I stumbled my way into the bathroom for a shower, but my nap had made me disoriented and I stubbed my toe on a random book on the way. _Goddamn, ow._

My big toe was throbbing as I shucked off my pants and stepped into the shower. The water was hot and steam was fogging up the glass doors. I closed my eyes and let out a low moan, the water felt amazing, the weather here was too damn cold. I lathered my hands up with soap and methodically started washing my body, when I remembered my brunette babe. _Shit._ This morning she had just come out of the shower and feeling like I was hallucinating, suddenly there she was, standing right under the water's spray. Her perky pink nipples calling out to me, water streaming down her breasts, pooling in her navel and skimming around the patch of hair at her thighs. _A goddess_…_but also my lab partner_. I wondered for a second if it was too perverted to jerk off to your innocent lab partner who hadn't spoken a word to you, but then I decided, she was my brunette babe first, before she was my wacky, bio partner. With that decision made, I reached for the soap again and imagined it was her petite hand instead of my callused one stroking me to my long awaited orgasm.


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

I let my alarm blare for ten minutes before shutting it off. The constant beeping was numbing my brain and helping me forget the dream that was all too vividly repeating itself over and over in my head.

Hands roaming, shirts unbuttoned, a stained backseat.

I shook my head, _go away._ But I kept picturing his half closed eyes, deep blue sparkling with untamed lust and youthful ecstasy. His blonde hair tickling my forehead as he kissed me. I felt a flush speckle my cheeks. _This feels too real._ I touched my lips—they were cold and chapped—it was just a dream.

_Why now? After a month of silence. Why?_ I pulled a pillow over my head and screamed, "Motherfucker, Mike Newton!"

Eventually I hauled my ass out of bed and got ready for school. Pulling a brush through my sleep-tangled hair, I contemplated reasonable excuses to stay home today.

PMS? Used it last week.

Fever? He'd force a doctor appointment.

Vivid sex dream? That'd be uncomfortable for all parties involved.

Resigning myself to a day of blushing and hoping like hell I never saw Mike, I locked up the house and walked out to my car. Like a blessing from God, it wouldn't start. _Perfect. _With a smug smile on my face, I hopped out of the cab and started walking back to the house, already imagining my comfy blanket still warm from my body heat.

Then my phone rang. Rosalie.

"Yes?"

"Hey, I'm heading round to pick up Alice, she had a flat. Want a ride?"

Sighing, I replied, "Sure."

"See you in five." She hung up and I sat on my front porch._ Well at least it's Friday_.

* * *

The morning passed by quickly and I only had to dodge Mike once. He had been walking toward me down the hallway and I slipped into the girls' bathroom, staying in the confines a graffiti-ridden stall until the late bell rang. Like a coward though, I didn't make a stop in the cafeteria, instead coming outside right after English. After a half-hour, Alice joined me. "So Bella…"

"Yes Alice?" I decided to take her bait for once; I was tired of the silence.

"It's Friday."

"Yes, it is."

"Do you have plans tonight?"

"Nope, Charlie's gone somewhere for the weekend, all his fishing crap is gone, so I figured I'd watch a movie."

"So you're not busy?" I shook my head, taking a drag and feeling the smoke creep down my throat and coat my lungs, "So that means you'll be at my party tonight…"

I coughed out a combination of smoke and phlegm. "Alice, no."

"But Bella why? You've been acting different lately, so I figured you might…" her voice trailed off.

"I might what?"

"I don't know. I miss having you at my parties. Rose misses you too, although she'd never admit it. We just want things to go back to normal. Jasper will even be there and you know he doesn't drink—"

"I-I can't. I can't be around it. Not yet. I just…it's too soon," I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

"I know. I know." There was a long pause and I wiped away tears that were forming at the tips of my eyes.

"I'm heading in early." I tossed down my cigarette and shuffled away, eyes trained on the ground in front me. Alice mumbled a goodbye and half apology, but I didn't acknowledge her, my thoughts were on Renee and the day she stopped being my mother. She had lost that title and privilege months ago.

My feet took me to biology and led me to my stool; the classroom was empty. I plopped down and took out my notebook, doodling a quick sketch for eighth period studio art. My hand moved of its own accord, covering the lined paper with thin, wispy strokes, until a shape formed and my eyes focused—a familiar, warm smile addressed me from the page. I reached to crumple up the paper when the bell rang.

The bell rang and I realized my mistake. Mike Newton was in this class and currently walking through the door. Glancing around quickly for someone or something to appear busy with, I remembered that I didn't talk to anyone in this class, or rather they didn't talk to me. I was officially trapped. _Shit. _

Resting his forearms on the lab table, Mike leaned toward me, "Bella." He always said my name in a singsong type of way. It used to make my panties wet; now I was hit with a hollowness in my chest. An empty tunnel, which internally echoed the stupid way he said my name, "Belllll-ahhh." I felt sick.

When I didn't answer, he leaned closer and half whispered my name. I got a whiff of his scent; it was different, unnatural, a brand name. _He never used to wear cologne. _

I sighed realizing how much he had changed. He seemed encouraged by my small whimper and began to talk. Panicking, I went with the most mature reaction I could produce, closing my eyes and pretending to be invisible.

"You can't ignore me forever Bella. Listen, we need to talk about that day. You never gave me a chance to explain. You were so quick to end this, to give up on us."

"Leave it alone Mike, I've moved on and so have you," my voice was rough and my eyes were still closed. I felt foolish, but I couldn't look at him and not cave.

"I haven't. I can't let you go," he pleaded.

"Then what the fuck are you doing with Jessica?" _I hate that I care._

"She doesn't mean anything. She isn't important." His conviction rose as he noted my jealousy, "I know you still feel something, tell me you do."

"Yes, you're right." I opened my eyes and felt guilty already for what I was about to say, but anger was the only thing that made Mike retreat, "I feel sick just looking at you. You disgust me and every time I see you, I remember that day. Now for the last time. Leave. Me. Alone."

As disdain coated my raspy voice, my new lab partner made an appearance. _Great, now he thinks I'm crazy too. Join the club._ With a sheepish smile for interrupting our conversation, he nudged Mike out of the way and sat down, taking out notes to appear busy, but blatantly eavesdropping. _Not suave bronzy. _

Mike leaned closer, "I know you're lying Bella. You don't think I know your reactions by now? But we need to talk. I can be patient. I can wait."

"You'll be wasting your time then. There's nothing left for us to talk about."

"Yes, there is. I still love you."

"No—wait, you what?" My voice had grown soft; I was talking to myself now, rather than him, "why now? Two months later? Not possible. Not today." My anger dissipated as warmth spread through my abdomen, his declaration igniting dormant emotions, while my mind screamed "abort, abort!"

Seemingly happy with my reaction, Mike buzzed off to his seat leaving me with a curious lab partner and a mind whirling with optimistic possibilities and cynical memories. Placing my fist under my chin, I sorted through Mike's words. He had said a lot, which was unusual for him. _What the hell spurred all this on? Could I forgive him? Was it even his fault?_ Before I lost myself fully, the classroom door slammed shut from a gust of wind and I was snapped back to reality.

I was still in Biology.

Sitting next to bronzy.

Who was undoubtedly curious.

_Please don't bring it up. Please don't be nosy like everyone else. Please just think I'm crazy and leave me alone too. _

My anthem repeated over and over in my head, until I heard a firm, "Ahem." I rolled my eyes. _Smooth._

My head turned toward the noise instinctively and my brows rose when I noticed bronze-haired boy staring at me, looking very much like he wanted to start a conversation. Before I could turn away, an awkwardly well-articulated voice stopped me, "Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I didn't have the chance to introduce myself to you yesterday. It appears as though we will be lab partners for the remainder of the semester."

"Yup. Looks like it." I cut off our eye contact and grabbed my pencil to start a new sketch, subtlety letting Mr. Curious know that our small exchange had ended.

"And your name is?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, normally when one person introduces themselves, it is good etiquette to give your name in return."

Confused as to whether or not he had just backhandedly insulted me, I mumbled out "Isabella Swan," unthinkingly using my full first name. I blanched at its use, hating the way it sounded even when I said it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn he cringed too.

"Isabella? Hmm…do you mind if I call you Bella?" I nodded, glad that he suggested my preferred name. "Well then Bella, a pleasure to meet your acquaintance." _ What next? Are you going to tip your hat at me? Escort me to my next class?_

I laughed despite myself and bronzy, or I suppose now it's Edward, took that as a good sign and smiled broadly.

"Thank you," I breathed out once my laughter subsided.

"For what?"

I shrugged, "First time I laughed all day."

* * *

At the end of the day, I slowly made my way toward the parking lot, having remembered that Rose gave me a ride this morning and I could not stealthily drive to the safety of my Mike-free household. As I walked up to her car, I saw Rose chatting it up with an enormous guy. Even with Rose standing at five foot ten, he towered over her. Interested to see who caught Rose's attention, I walked up to catch the tail end of their conversation.

"So I'll see you tonight?"

"Maybe," Rosalie responded, a sly smile painting her lips. I raised my eyebrows at his retreating frame, silently questioning Rose. "What? Oh, don't look at me like that."

"So, that's how you flirt?" I asked, "Vague agreements and discreet smiles? Who knew you could do subtle?"

"Ha. Ha. But for a piece of him, I would do anything."

"Who is he?"

"The very same guy I was talking about yesterday at lunch." I gave her a blank stare. "You don't remember do you?" I shook my head. "That's Emmett, he just moved here with his brother or twin or something, Edward." I smiled at the memory of his strange introduction. Unfortunately, Rosalie noticed my reaction and questioned its origin. _I am like a fucking open book today._

"He's my bio partner." There was a long pause.

Her eyebrow arched, "Anything else?"

"No. He just introduced himself today."

"Right, well anyways. Emmett was just asking whether I'd be at 'Brandon's' party tonight."

"Why the quotation marks?"

"I don't think he realizes Brandon isn't actually a guy," I chuckled and Rosalie joined me. "It's nice to hear you laugh again," she admitted.

"It's nice to talk like this again," I confessed. "Where is Brandon? Can we get going?"

"Jasper picked her up, so we can leave. Is everything okay?"

"Eh, I don't know." We climbed into the car and Rosalie drove off. We were silent until I heard the telltale gravel of my driveway crunch beneath her tires, "It's about Mike." Rosalie slid the gear into park and turned to face me.

I continued, "He's trying to talk to me again. Something about how he's not giving up this time."

Rosalie interrupted, "It's been a while hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it has. He's confusing me. For the past two months, it's been easy to avoid him, it's been easy to avoid everyone actually. And today he decides that we need to rehash the past and talk about it all. I can't relive it again."

"So tell him that."

"I tried to."

"There's a difference between trying and actually succeeding. Mike is not that dense. Tell him there is no way you are reopening any past wounds and tell him to move on. Tell him you've moved on. Better yet, show him."

"And how do you suggest I do that?" _Especially because I haven't._

"You can start by coming to Alice's party tonight and shamelessly flirting with any available male."

"I'm not going to Alice's."

"Why not?"

"Rose, I never go and you know why. Wouldn't avoiding him be a better option?"

"No, definitely not. And yes, I know why, but as you've said, it's been a long time. Why not show Mike you're completely over _everything_ and show up tonight. Just a ten-minute appearance. Quick in, quick out."

"I'll think about it."

"No, you're coming."

"Rose, don't push it. I'll call you in a couple of hours." With that I got out of the car, yelled a thanks for the ride and unlocked the front door. I couldn't help but wonder how differently my conversation with Alice went this morning compared to the one I just had with Rose.

Walking into the house, I was greeted with the familiar creaking and wailing of strained floorboards. All the lights were out and the house looked like it was recently redecorated to show to potential buyers—all personal belongings and family items removed and out of sight. Where picture frames once littered the living room walls, years of dust collection revealed these newly exposed rectangles of white wall.

Charlie had taken them down in a fit of rage a month ago, shattering the glass on the floor; making a pile of memories he wanted to discard in the middle of the floor. It may have helped him to move on, but I still knew what each picture would have looked like as though they were still there instead of rotting away in some landfill.

My favorite picture had been in the open hallway connecting the living room and the kitchen. I walked over and traced my hand around the outline on the wall. Renee had been smiling into Charlie's chest; his arm's wrapped protectively around her. It was such a simple gesture of adoration, but it reminded me that they were in love once.

If the picture had been in front of me, I wouldn't have recognized either of my parents. Eighteen years ago Charlie didn't have a mustache and his hair resembled a mini afro. The crow's feet that wrinkle his eyelids were less pronounced then and his lips were turned up into his characteristic smirk, the only kind of smile you could ever really get out of him. The brown eyes I inherited were looking out over Renee's head, lost in thought. Renee was eight months pregnant with me then.

I would give anything to know what he was thinking in that moment.

I would give anything to rewind time eighteen years, _hell_, even one year.

Breaking out of my reverie, I grabbed a wet sponge and cleaning solution from underneath the sink. Stomping my way back to the hallway, I doused the sponge with chemicals and scrubbed. My right arm moved furiously, up and down, up and down. The discoloration of the walls was less noticeable after five minutes, but my right arm was numb, the blood having rushed from the tips of my fingers south. I switched arms and began wiping in circles, water streaming down my skin and dampening my shirtsleeves. The nauseating smell of chemicals ballooned around my head and swam down my nostrils, corroding my lungs, but I didn't stop to open up a window.

_This needs to be done. I need to be cleansed._

_

* * *

_

Hours later I was lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, freshly scrubbed from a long hot shower when my phone vibrated and lit up on my desk, alerting me to a new text message.

I wondered whether or not I wanted to get it, but in the end curiosity won out and I stumbled through the dark toward the glaring screen. Flipping it open, I saw that Rosalie had wrote: _You were supposed to call me. _

Dialing her cell phone number, I wasn't surprised when she picked up after the first ring, "Bella! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Very funny. What's up?"

"I'm glad you asked. I'm getting ready for Alice's right now. Perhaps you could come over and we could get ready together! I'm sure you can find something in my closet to wear tonight."

"Uhh…"

"Eloquent. Now get your ass on over here, it's already eight."

"Rose, I'm not going out tonight." Repeating this sentiment was getting annoying.

"Oh, but I do believe you are. You need this. You need to tell Mike to fuck off, which would take max fifteen minutes; a small inconsequential amount of time and then you can go back to doing whatever it is you do every single night. Please Bella? You know, Alice would probably flip out if you came and I think her reaction is worth a meager fifteen minute appearance."

I smiled imagining Alice's eyes bugging out of her skull. She'd probably drop her drink. I responded with mock incredulity, "Rosalie Hale, are you actually begging me?"

"Hmm…I guess I am. Now come on. Dress in whatever you want and I promise I won't tell you to put on makeup or fix your hair. Come on round in ten." She hung up, leaving me with no room to argue with her again. Talking to my empty room I muttered, "I guess it wouldn't hurt to get out of the house."

Twenty minutes later, I found myself at the Hale doorstep, staring at the front door, my fist frozen inches from the wooden surface. _Come on Bella. You scrubbed one evil out today; time to work on the next one._ Resolved, my knuckles tapped against the door and seconds later it was flung open, Rosalie yelling "goodnight" to her parents before acknowledging me, "I thought you were going to stand me up." Her eyes scanned my outfit and true to her word, she didn't comment on my choice of moccasins, black jeans and green thermal.

"I almost did. You look modest this evening…"

"That was only to get past my dad," she explained as she shrugged off her baggy sweater to reveal a low-cut red tank top.

"Ah, that's more you…Slut."

She smirked, "Shut it. Let's go."

Climbing into my truck, I could tell Rose refrained from yet another snide comment, instead inquiring, "What's the game plan for tonight?"

"I assumed you had one," I replied turning the beast on and backing out of her driveway, "seeing as you dragged me out."

"Right, well, no one is forcing you to stay. Just hang out a bit. Relax. And don't look at your feet, you do that too much--"

"I do not," I interrupted.

"Yes, you do. Hang out with Jazz and me, you know Alice will be flittering around making sure that everyone has a fresh drink. It'll be fine, just steer clear of Newton, but make sure he sees you."

"What? That doesn't make sense Rose."

"He needs to see that you're there, having a good time and laughing. But do not talk to him or make eye contact. He needs to know that you are over him. And it wouldn't hurt to flirt with the opposite sex for once."

"Right…well not all of us are so well versed in the fine art of seduction. Or in your case, teasing the general male population," I turned to flutter my eyelashes at her.

Picking at her nails, Rosalie gave an exaggerated sigh, "I know. It's a tough job, but someone needs to be the unattainable star of their wet dreams."

"That's disgusting," I laughed. Turning onto Alice's street, I found a parking spot behind a train of ten cars.

"Shit, there are a lot of people here already." I gulped recognizing Jessica's Ford Escort, knowing that Mike was definitely here. The last thing I wanted was another public confrontation with Jessica. Or Mike. _Why did I let Rosalie convince me again?_

As if sensing my internal apprehension Rosalie reassuringly said, "It'll be alright Bella. We won't let anyone mess with you."

"It's just…it's been a long time."

"You used to enjoy Alice's parties, so stop holding yourself back from having a little fun."

"Yeah. Yeah, let's go." _I hope this optimism lasts past the front door._

Walking in, Rose and I were greeted with the stench of stale beer and sweat, it was warm and I was already regretting my choice of long sleeves. A pulsing techno bass pumped through large speakers in the living room, thumping heavily in my chest as we weaved our way through the crowd to find tonight's hostess. The kitchen felt slightly cooler, the windows open wide to let in the night breeze.

As expected Alice was standing by the counter mixing drinks into the typical red solo cups. An impressive collection of liquors lined the countertop and I felt bile form in my throat as my eyes latched onto the bottle of Jose Cuervo surrounded by dry limes and a bottle of table salt. Before I could retreat Alice's piercing scream stopped me, "Ahh Bella! You made it!"

She handed out the drinks she made and ran her way over, enveloping me in a tight hug. "Hey Alice."

"You look adorable. Jasper's here, let's go find him." She tugged on my hand and led to me towards the dining room where Jasper was awkwardly leaning up against the wall, trying desperately to stop staring at the orgy-esque dancing of two girls in front of him. His cheeks flushed as he realized he'd been caught gawking at the teenage display of liquid courage and festering hormones.

"You're allowed to look sweetie," Alice joked, "just no touching." Jasper gave her a meek smile and bid me hello. I always liked Jasper, especially how he seemed to always be there for Alice. With him standing ten inches taller combined with Alice's fervor for life usually overshadowing his more timid and refined presence; they were a funny couple for sure.

"I need to get back into the kitchen," said Alice, turning to whisper something further into Jasper's ear. Not wanting to intrude on such an intimate moment between the two, I turned my attention to the living room, which had been converted into a dance floor for the evening. The light bulbs in the room had been traded out for black lights, illuminating white t-shirts and white bras beneath darker clothing. My classmates were all grinding and swaying on each other in the relative darkness, their hips aligned and gyrating to the amplified bass. I spotted bronzy dancing behind Lauren, his hands possessively gripping her hipbones, moving her denim-clad ass over his groin in time to the beat. His eyes peered down over her shoulder, staring hungrily at her bouncing body. His expression resonated with me and I imagined for a second that it was _my_ ass pushing backwards into his crotch and a delightful pitch erupted in my abdomen. I imagined his fingers trailing along my sides and caressing my soft skin. _Where the fuck did that come from?_

Jasper broke up my fantasy, "You don't want to be here tonight." It wasn't a question. He didn't talk much, never really wasting his words. But when Jasper did speak, he often got you to admit to your greatest insecurities and doubts. Some would call him intuitive, trusting, a people person; tonight however, I was not in the mood to be interrogated.

"Neither do you," I fired back.

"Ah yes, well I'm here for Alice. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you came; you'll act as my unofficial buffer. But why'd you come?"

"I needed to get out of the house."

"Uh-huh. Who coerced you?"

"Rosalie," I admitted. To avoid going down that road I tried changing subjects, "How's school?" Jasper attended a private Catholic school several towns over.

"Not bad. Why? Thinking about transferring?" He sounded like he was joking, but weeks ago, I had seriously considered changing schools. After a week of debate, I decided that becoming invisible in my own high school would be easier than a discussion with Charlie.

"I don't think so." Silence fell over us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Again my eyes found the dance floor, and I managed to convince myself I wasn't searching for bronzy and Lauren. It'd been a while since I felt anything resembling arousal and I wanted to see if my reaction was just an anomaly. Fiddling with my sleeves, my eyes scanned the room and my heart sank deep into my stomach when I saw Mike. He had Jessica up against a wall, his hand clawing at her shirt's hem, their lips mashed together. _Right, and he still loves me. _

I excused myself from Jasper, using the dampening heat as reason to find reprieve in her backyard. I wove my way around smoking circles; breathing in exhales of weed while checking my back pockets for my cigarettes and lighter. _Thank god I brought these tonight._ I only had three left and I planned on smoking all of them in succession and then leaving. That would fulfill my requisite fifteen minutes, Rose wouldn't need a ride, plus she'd probably end up staying over here tonight anyways. Happy with my plans I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. I walked my way through Alice's yard towards the shed, and plopped down on the small step.

_What the fuck was today? I should have stayed in bed._

_Jessica and Mike deserve each other. _

_I don't care about him. I don't care about his lies._

_What the hell did I expect? For him to go back to being the sweet and caring guy I fell in love with?_

_Fuck him._

_Fuck this party. _

_Fuck Rosalie's plan._

_Fuck fuck fuck. _

_I'm pathetic. _

I mechanically smoked through my first cigarette, trying to silence the chaos in my head, while my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I leaned back and looked up at the sky, past the looming fir trees and onto the sparkling pitch-black sky. As I took my last pull, I realized I'd burnt it all the way to the filter.

A small wave of dizziness passed through my body and I felt myself relax. My forehead began to tingle and it put a stop to my incessant train of thoughts. I took a deep breathe of the night air and reached to light another when I heard footsteps heading towards me, swishing through the long grasses. I assumed it was Alice; this was our normal smoking spot when her parents were home, and so I held out my pack to the approaching figure while I used one hand to light the one perked between my lips.

"Thanks," a male voice rang out as long fingers reached for my offering. I recognized that voice and those fingers. My mouth dropped open in surprise and he must have noticed because he asked, "you don't mind if I join you, right?"

I shook my head as he took a seat beside me and fished a lighter out of his jacket pocket. The small flame illuminated his face and the messy sex-hair confirmed my suspicions.

Bronzy—Edward had just joined me.

* * *

So, it has been a really long time. I won't bore you with excuses, but I would like to ask a favor of you all. I think I need a beta. Let me rephrase, I _know_ I need a beta, but looking for one was kind of intimidating. There are fifty pages of Twilight betas and I honestly don't have the patience to look through all of those profiles. Plus I'm pulling the amateur card and saying I don't know how to go about finding someone that will be helpful for me specifically. So, the point...if any of you would like to beta for me or know any people on here that would be willing to help me please let me know! It'd be nice to have someone to discuss the future chapters of this story with and save me from grammatical mishaps. Thanks! I'll try to be more swift with the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 EPOV**

I had gone outside in the hopes of scoring a cigarette. It was hot as hell inside the damn house, I could taste sweat in the thick air I was choking down. I shrugged on my jacket as the cool night air chilled the perspiration dotting my forehead and arms. I kept my head down, my attempt at being discreet and anonymous amongst the potheads and smokers. If Emmett knew I was smoking again he'd fucking kill me. I was about to ask someone on the porch when I saw the flash of a burnt orange tip in the distant edge of the yard. Seeing this opportunity, I walked toward the crouching darkened figure, the damp grass wetting the ankles of my jeans.

As if reading my mind and knowing my intent, the lone smoker had their pack outstretched in their hand; I grabbed their last one, thanking them at the same time. Figuring I'd ask before I took a seat beside them, I heard the shake of hair against shoulders in response to my question. I plopped down, stumbling a bit in the dark and realizing that I was finally feeling all those beers I had shotgunned with Emmett. My eyes were still adjusting to the darkness and I was pretty fucking drunk at this point, but I managed to find my lighter in my jacket pocket, inhaling my forbidden indulgence as the flame flickered in front of my face. I might have moaned in satisfaction when I exhaled, but slyly covered it up by clearing my throat.

"Having a good time?" My pathetic attempt at conversation was met with a meek "no." It was obviously a female's voice; she sounded a bit distressed so I questioned further, "Are you alright?"

Silence again. My alcohol-soaked brain could obviously not take the hint, so I continued on, becoming a valiant gentleman in the process of my slurred verbal spew, "Did someone hurt? Are you okay? I can beat them up for you. You know, if that's what you wanted. Why are you out here all alone in the dark? It's not safe. Definitely not safe. Do you want to leave? I'll take you home. Come on." I stood up and tossed my cigarette aside, my legs protesting the sudden movement. I swayed a bit before righting myself and extending a hand to the feminine figure beside me.

"You're not going anywhere." _Ah-ha, she speaks!_

"And why not?" I asked, assuming I was the reason she did not want to leave now.

"You're drunk. And I can see myself home, thank you," she retorted. _Sassy._

Of course she was right, I could not drive right now. Yet I found myself arguing her claim. "I'm fine. See." I extended my arms and alternated touching my nose with my right and left pointer finger.

"Great, I'm real happy for you. I'm leaving now," her patronizing tone was not lost on me. She had gotten up and brushed past me while I was showing off my coordination, but I managed to grab her arm.

"What's your problem?" I was drunk and annoyed, her attitude bothering me. "I was just trying to be nice."

"Let me go." Her weak voice broke my heart, easing my anger. The words seemed to dissolve off her lips, the wind carrying it to my ears.

I reached into my pocket, gripping her looser now. Her upper arm felt so small and fragile, completely at the mercy of my large grasp. She was quivering, I attributed it to the brisk weather, but subconsciously knew it was from fear. Fear that I had sparked.

I snapped open my lighter and held it up to her face, confirming what I should have known when I sat down—Bella. I should have recognized her voice, its low timbre and the small lisp.

Her face was pallid and she blinked away from the flame, which sparkled the heavy gloss in her eyes. I felt like a monster for manhandling her.

My fist immediately released, but she didn't move, she was staring straight into me; her brown eyes brightened with recognition and then furrowed with fire. She looked at me with such hatred; I flicked out the lighter, not being able to handle her accusatory and heated stare.

"Shit, I'm sorry Bella…I didn't mean to—I don't know what I was…it was instinct."

She interrupted my rambling apology, "You reek of beer." Her voice was laced with the same disdain I heard her spit to Newton this morning; I wasn't as dimwitted as him to not recognize it.

"Well yeah. I think it is safe to assume everyone is drinking here, it is a party after all." I tried joking around, but ruined it when I burped. She waved a hand in front of her face, wafting away the smell of stale beer and sending her lilac scent my way. I inhaled like a cocaine addict, _mmmm_.

"You shouldn't be driving tonight. Promise me you won't."

"I won't." She started sounding like my mother, but there was such honesty in her plea I couldn't help but acquiesce. I suppose it was kind of cute that she was worried about my welfare.

"Good. Be glad I'm not taking away your car keys." I snorted, thinking she was kidding around, making an innocuous threat. But before I could tell her that she was acting like a ridiculous hen-mother, she put me in my place.

"You think this is funny? That drunk driving is something to joke about?" she accused as her finger repeatedly stabbed my chest. I inadvertently flinched, expecting a palm to connect with my cheek any minute.

"No ma'am," I replied.

_Wait? Ma'am? What the fuck?_

"You're right. It isn't funny. It's fucking pathetic. You're drinking poison. You're poisoning yourself and that's fucking fine by me. But your nonchalant attitude about driving in your condition is not acceptable. You are putting others at risk. Other people who matter. Do you realize the damage you could do to another family? To your family?" she paused, "Yeah, I didn't think so. Fucking think about that next time."

She accentuated each sentence with a finger jab, her voice escalating into a yell as the words began to string together until I could barely keep up. My heart thumped heavier and heavier, her mood swings were fucking with me.

"I'm waiting," she said, exasperation and annoyance evident in her tone. Her hand was outstretched as though she was expecting something from me. I said nothing, still wondering which of us was the asshole in this situation, the manhandling drunk or the moral high-ground princess. "Fine," she grumbled.

Suddenly her hands were shoved into my jacket pockets, scanning its contents. Before I could protest, her fingers dipped into the front pockets of my jeans and the material constricted, a soft groan erupting from my chest.

My eyelids drooped, a combination of arousal and alcohol, and all my attention focused on the small hands fumbling around my thigh. Scratching and prodding through the material she lit my denim-encased skin on fire.

I blamed Lauren for my reaction to Bella. Lauren spent the past half hour firmly pressed up against my crotch, going so far as to place my own hands on her bare hips, sliding my fingers down to the band of her underwear. But then she left me high and dry after a couple of songs, saying she needed another drink. _Fucking cocktease._

The jingling of keys refocused my attention to the triumphant brunette in front of me. The glint of her teeth in the moonlight gave way her happiness, completely unaware of the problem she just caused to rise up in my jeans.

"Right. Goodnight," she turned to walk away.

"Wait, where the fuck are you going with my keys?"

"I'm giving them to Alice. You can get them back later, when you are fit to go home without killing someone," she stated scathingly.

"Who the fuck is Alice?"

"This is her fucking house, you douchebag," she sighed and began describing her, "short, black hair, big grey eyes. She'll probably be the one with the garbage bag cleaning up all this mess by the time you've sobered up. Have a good night now Edward." She walked off, heading into the house, while I stood there like an idiot, mouth agape, trying to work through the verbal bitch-slap I just received.

"Argghhh." I fisted my hand in my hair; tugging slightly, I felt all the nerves in my scalp tug and flame before going numb.

She was infuriating, but I suppose she had a point.

But how extreme was that reaction? She took my fucking keys! Like I was a four year old and needed to do something to deserve them.

Talk about stepping over the line. I had half a mind to follow her and let her know exactly how I felt, but my vocabulary seemed to be suffering at the moment. I recalled our conversation. I hadn't said anything remotely intelligent the entire time.

Internally, I applauded myself. _Nice job asshole._ _You really are a smooth fucker aren't you?_

Fuck did I feel guilty, that's a new one for me.

When I had suggested I drive her home, she looked at me like I killed her cat or something. She could have just said no to my ride, but instead she had to get up on her high horse and give me a talking to that rivaled the one I received from my mom and dad when they found an empty cigarette pack in my desk drawer.

Bella had quite the temper on her and fuck did I see it first hand twice today, thankfully I had only been the recipient of it once.

I had walked into biology with the resolution that I would introduce myself to her, especially given how perverted I felt after last night.

I needed another cold shower when I woke up this morning. Though I had allowed myself a moment of weakness last night, giving in to my brunette babe's masterful seduction, I refused to again. Especially after my latest dream.

My fantasy towel girl had introduced herself to me.

As fucking _Isabella_.

If my fantasizing wasn't fucked up enough, she had to take on the name of my reclusive lab partner. The _same_ girl involved in whatever messed up love triangle Emmett and I witnessed yesterday. The girl with the pouty, red fucking lips and thick brown curls. The same lips that were suctioned around my cock in my dream, my fingers scraping her scalp and disappearing behind a curtain of long luscious hair, slowly guiding her eager wet mouth.

I had to stop replaying that moment. I assumed putting my lab partner's name to the face of my fantasy girl would work to stop these ridiculous wet dreams of mine. I had been optimistic as I strolled into bio after lunch.

Until I saw Mike Newton leaning over my lab table, having, what appeared to be, a serious and intimate conversation with my lab partner. She looked so vulnerable and weak, sitting there with her eyes scrunched closed, like she wanted to disappear. I remember wanting to protect her, but now I knew she could definitely take care of herself. I walked toward the table involuntarily, nodding a quick hello to Lauren who winked at me in return. _I should have realized she was a tease then. _

Just as I approached the table, Bella opened her eyes and there was a fire flashing in them that seemed to literally sear the skin off my face, luckily it was not aimed at me.

I nudged my way past Mike to catch the last of Bella's venomous outburst, "Leave. Me. Alone."

Feeling uncomfortable, I offered a meek smile, but I couldn't regret it, I was curious. I opened my notebook in an attempt to look busy, but tilted my head to the left to observe Bella's expressions through my peripheral vision. Mike didn't leave her alone like she asked, but I wasn't too surprised, he seemed pretty unaware of anyone but himself.

He looked at me like he was claiming his property as he continued to speak to Bella and it pissed me off. I remembered his creepy ass warning from yesterday. _Was it because he felt threatened by me? _Mike was obviously with Jessica, yet it seemed he wanted to keep Bella too.

When he said he still loved her, my eyebrows shot up and I held my breath, waiting for an explosion from her, yet it never came. Instead she retreated into herself and starting mumbling, and, if I were to be honest, she sounded like a crazy person.

Mike finally had the decency to leave her alone and I had no idea how to go about fulfilling my promise to myself. I tried staring at her, hoping that she would feel my eyes on her and turn around, but when that didn't work I cleared my throat. She turned and looked at me incredulously, probably internally mocking me. Before she turned away, I spoke.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen. I didn't have the chance to introduce myself to you yesterday. It appears as though we will be lab partners for the remainder of the semester." I tried to be as nice as possible, seemingly speaking from a different day and age, but part of me wanted her to like me.

"Yup. Looks like it." She had shut me down, not even willing to introduce herself, but I wasn't having any of it.

"And your name is?" I responded, even though I already knew her name.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, normally when one person gives a name, it is good etiquette to give yours in return." At the time, it felt natural to playfully jest with her.

"Isabella Swan." I winced. _Why would she torture me by using her full name?_ I slyly suggested using her nickname, not wanting to fuel my lusty dream anymore and she seemed thankful I had. I was surprised when she started laughing and thanked me.

"For what?" I questioned.

"First time I laughed all day." I glanced up to meet her eyes as she confessed this while still chuckling in amusement, but I could see that the smile and laughter did not reach her eyes. I had assumed then that she was still upset about Newton and their public spat, but after witnessing her fearsome tirade about drunk driving, I had to wonder if Newton was really the reason behind her sadness.

Checking my phone I saw it was barely eleven, Bella had definitely killed my buzz and I walked back inside towards the kitchen, hoping to speed up the sobering process with glass upon glass of water and some food. Most likely Alice wasn't a hardass like Bella so I could probably sweet-talk her into giving me my keys. Right now, I just wanted to leave, but the walk home was fucking far and I wasn't going to leave my Volvo here, my baby had just gotten delivered this afternoon, way ahead of schedule and I was not about to leave it on some random street.

Entering into the kitchen I sat down on an empty stool facing the bar that was littered with abandoned shot glasses, dried lemons and puddles of spilt liquor. People were crammed around the kitchen table behind me playing flip cup and I thought about joining. I made a deal with myself, if I couldn't locate this Alice girl within five minutes, I'd play a round. Too bad she found me first.

"Edward?" A high-pitched voice captured my attention from behind the counter. She was as Bella described, I would have called her fun-sized though. Alice reminded me of an anime character, high cheekbones and an angular face. Her eyes seemed too big for her head, but their grey hue was mesmerizing.

"You've got my keys?" I questioned, hoping that Bella hadn't been vindictive and taken them home with her.

"Yeah. You'll get them back in a bit. I'd like to talk to you though."

I groaned, assuming I'd be getting another lecture from Bella's friend, but was pleasantly surprised when she started laughing at me.

"I can't believe she took your keys! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she did," she looked at me up and down, "You obviously cannot drive right now. Wait 'til I tell Rose. She won't believe it." Her grey eyes glittered with mischief; she was clapping her hands together in what I assumed was excitement or maybe even applause for pissing Bella off.

"I'm glad you find this funny," I said, the sarcasm hopefully covering up the embarrassment in my voice. "Can I get a glass of water?"

"Sure," said Alice, turning towards the kitchen sink. She handed me a drink and began cleaning up the discarded plastic cups on the countertop. I drained it in one gulp, not realizing how thirsty I had been.

"So does she do that often?" I asked Alice.

"Bella?" I nodded and she was quiet for a second, "Nope. You're the first. She's always been cautious when it comes to drinking and driving though, but with her dad being chief of police, can you really blame her?"

"I guess not." That little piece of information changed things. Maybe it _partly_ explained Bella's overreaction. It seems like there's more to it and Alice seemed like the perfect person to question, "Does she drink?"

Alice looked unsure of her answer, "Ah. No."

"She didn't seem happy to be here. Or even happy that I was drinking. She said I smelled bad." I locked eyes with Alice, noticing that she stopped cleaning and was staring at me.

"She uh…had a bad day today and Rose forced her to come out. So, how are you liking Forks so far? Where is it you moved from?" I smiled because Alice was not being subtle about changing subjects, but I decided not to press my luck. She did have my keys after all.

"We moved here from Palo Alto…California," I clarified. "My mother had been teaching at Stanford, but wanted to work at a community college. And Peninsula was hiring, so here we are in Forks." This had become my automated response. It was getting tiresome.

"You don't sound happy," she observed.

"It's weird packing up and moving for senior year. But the change of scenery is nice. I'm looking forward to snow. Never seen it."

"Hah, well get ready for four months of it. The novelty will wear off soon, trust me."

"Well at least I just have one winter to get through then." Our conversation was safe and a bit boring. "Why aren't you enjoying your party Alice?" I asked.

"Oh I am."

"You're cleaning," I stated the obvious.

"I know, but I'm still having fun." She actually looked like she was being honest.

"Let me help a bit, go and dance or something. I need something to occupy my time. Unless I can sweet talk you into giving me my keys now." I flashed her my pearly whites, but it got me nowhere.

"No way. You've got at least another hour. Nice try buddy, but I will let you take over for a bit, I want to go see—."

"Edward. Where have _you_ been?" Lauren sidled up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder, her lips touching my ear as she spoke. I shot a small smile Alice's way, a silent apology on Lauren's behalf.

"Nowhere." She giggled. _Drunk, this should be interesting._

"Well I've been looking for you silly."

"Really?" I turned to face her and saw that her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were glazed.

"Lests go somewhere," she pleaded, her fingers gripping my forearm and tugging. Her intentions were obvious, but I wasn't in the mood for more of her teasing, if she got me all worked up without any intention on following through, I would explode. "Drive me home." It came out as a command rather than a question.

"Can't. My keys have been confiscated," I replied, thankful I had an excuse, albeit, a lame one, but still an excuse.

"Huh? Why?"

"Alice here has my keys, she won't let me drive until I clean up her kitchen," I joked, winking at Alice who rolled her eyes in return.

"Thas not fair!" Lauren turned to face Alice, "give 'em back!"

"Nope," Alice replied, shaking her head, a small smile curling her lips at Lauren's slurred speech.

"See, there's nothing I can do about it. Sorry." I offered a small smile as consolation while Lauren continued to pout her lips, unhappy with my decision.

I could have left with her, or at least kept her occupied in a spare bedroom upstairs for an hour or so, but Lauren had gotten sloppy tonight. The v-neck of her shirt had been pulled down to reveal the entire left cup of red lacy bra. Though everyone was staring at her chest, yours truly included, she had yet to notice this.

Plus I had learnt my lesson the difficult way about hooking up with drunk girls last year when I messed around with a sophomore. She could barely stand up straight, but kept insisting that she was fine and had led me to a room upstairs, telling me about all the dirty things she wanted to do to me. In her eagerness to please, she engaged her gag reflex…with my cock. She actually threw up on my dick, the rejected liquid streaming out of her mouth and down her chin.

I reacted as any guy would have, a ton of cursing as I pushed her away from me. She had started crying, a sobbing apology somewhere between her gasping breathes and I zipped up, trying not to vomit myself before I took her into the bathroom. I cleaned her off and placed her in bed to sleep it off after her stomach emptied all the rum and cokes she had ingested. Only an hour later could I finally clean myself off, my cock was sticky for all the wrong reasons. Needless to say, I haven't looked at rum the same way since.

I shuddered at the memory and apologized to Lauren again, "If you still need a ride later tonight I'll be right here." She buzzed off and linked arms with another girl, dragging her in the direction of the bathroom.

"You didn't have to do that." Alice said.

"I wasn't interested. I'm just glad I had an actual excuse."

"Well I think that's one of the first times Lauren has been turned down."

"Something tells me she won't be remembering it tomorrow." Alice laughed and threw me a sponge at me. It hit my chest, leaving a damp mark on my shirt.

"You said you'd help," she responded to my inquisitive stare. Begrudging, I grabbed the wet sponge and started wiping down the counter top, collecting all the shot glasses in a pile and depositing them in the sink to be cleaned out later. Alice and I worked together in silence and I looked around noticing that the crowd in the kitchen had thinned; most people were crowded in the living room, or talking in pairs off in corners. I saw Emmett dancing with some chick and I wondered if it was Rosalie when I saw a swirl of blonde hair over his shoulder. I knew he was full of bullshit when he said he was going to take it slow to "tame the tiger."

"Hey Edward."

"Yeah?" I turned to see Alice standing with her arm wrapped around the waist of a tall guy. She looked like a dwarf in comparison to her blonde haired companion, fitting in nicely underneath the crook of his arm.

"I want you to meet Jasper, my boyfriend," she beamed.

"Edward, nice to meet you," I offered my hand and he gripped it tightly, an impressive hold for such a skinny guy. _Possessive much?_

"Do you go to Forks high too?" I asked.

"No, I attend a Catholic high school a couple of miles out of town."

"Oh, cool," I replied. To be truthful, anyone who was confident in their faith or spirituality intimidated me. I grew up in a Christian household and was forced through nighttime religion classes, but still never took an avid interest in it beyond getting confirmed and getting out of there.

"Well," Alice began, breaking up the awkward silence that commenced after our short introductions, "I'm going to go _enjoy_ my party now Edward, so here are your keys back. Drive safely." She tossed them in my direction and sauntered off with Jasper still glued to her side.

"Fucking finally," I muttered to no one in particular. I decided to tell Emmett before disappearing off into the night, but I couldn't find him on the dance floor, even though I swore I had saw him there minutes ago. I sent him a quick text telling him to get his own damn ride home and walked out the door.

As I climbed into my car, I started second guessing myself, wondering if maybe I was still a little intoxicated and should not be driving right now. I started the car and the entire way home the speedometer did not creep past twenty miles per hour. Bella had gotten in my head tonight, whether I liked it or not. I turned the music up to an ear-numbing level, letting Stevie Ray Vaughn drown out Bella's incessant rant.

What did she call liquor again?

_Poison_.

Fuck, that's harsh.

And fuck, did I still feel like a dick.

* * *

Still looking for a betaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 BPOV**

"You should have your own key," Jacob grumbled as he opened the door for me, bright and early on Saturday.

"That'd be nice," I replied as I sidestepped his massive frame into the Black household. I walked straight into his kitchen and began unloading the food I had just bought from the local farmer's market. His kitchen was barely big enough to accommodate a full oven and stovetop, but it was quaint and it felt like home.

Like it was _my home._

Jacob followed, leaning against the doorframe that charted his growth since he was a baby. At fifteen, he now stood over six feet tall. Yet, whether he grew to be a foot taller than me or not, he would always be my honorary little brother.

I felt Jacob watching me intently as I worked in the kitchen, taking out casserole dishes and a large griddle. "Stop staring Jake. At least make yourself useful and bring in the rest of the groceries." I tossed him the keys to my trunk.

Not surprisingly, he grabbed them all in one trip, a smirk on his face as he inspected the contents of the bags.

"Are you making banana chocolate chip pancakes again?" he asked, licking his lips.

"Maybe," I answered, knowing it was his favorite and he wasn't above begging.

"You're the best Bells…you know that none of this is necessary though right? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it and so does Dad…" his voice rambled off and he suddenly became very interested in unpacking vegetables.

"I enjoy being able to do this for you. I know you both aren't incompetent, but I like thinking I'm helping out." _At least that was the partial truth_. "If it bothers you that much, just remember in two months time, you'll have your permit so you can do all the food shopping."

"Yeah I know. I'm sorry, Bells. I just don't want your pity, you know? There's no reason for you to play the martyr here." _Oh how wrong he was._

"It's kind of become habit now."

Ever since the accident, I had been making dinners for Jacob and Billy. It had started while Billy was still in the hospital. Jacob had stayed with us for several weeks while Billy adjusted to life in a wheelchair. It continued when he moved back home, and now, four months later, I spend every Saturday morning cooking a week's worth of dinners for them both.

It was penance.

It was the _least_ I could do. I wish I could have done more.

"Need any help?" Jacob asked, he always offered and I always declined. I shook my head while mechanically peeling and cutting bananas.

"Okay, I'm gonna get Dad up and dressed," he said as he walked down the hallway.

Since Billy was released from the rehabilitation center, Jacob had transformed from carefree teenager to responsible caretaker. He had to bury one parent, and help the other adapt to life in the confines of a wheelchair.

_And he tells me cooking dinner isn't necessary_. My snort echoed in the empty kitchen, while I measured out flour, thinking how ridiculously proud Jacob was. _I should be doing more; he's too young to carry this burden_.

Jacob has been unbelievable. Since the accident, he never once blamed anyone. He didn't rebel like most kids would after suddenly losing his mother. He just kept surviving. The one time I had the courage to ask him how he did it, he responded, "I have to, I have to stay strong for Dad. It's just the two of us now."

Needless to say, I admired him and envied his strength. Though I could commiserate, I was still jealous of him. The bond he shares with his Dad and the fond memories he had of his mother. If I was being honest with myself…I came by every week for selfish purposes, to pretend that I was a part of this loving and protective family. I was an eighteen-year-old playing "house," fantasizing about being needed and appreciated. _Pathetic. _

The sound of wheels rolling across the hardwood floors alerted me to Billy's presence.

"Mornin' Bells," he called from the dining room.

"Hey Billy," I said, walking up to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Back in his heyday, Billy could have passed for Jacob's twin. They shared the same russet skin and soft black hair that flared just past their shoulders. Billy has aged a lot since the accident. His leathery skin had hardened with months of stress and his deep brown eyes were engulfed by prominent wrinkles. His hair had started to thin and grey strands streaked his temples.

"How's school?" he asked. I smiled, silently enjoying his patriarchal tendencies. He had always treated me like his own daughter.

"It's fine, I need to start applications soon. I haven't really done any research." Senior year was well underway and I was far behind on the college application process. I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to study.

"All in good time. Do you think you'll stay local?"

"I haven't given it much thought. I'll probably stay on the coast, maybe UW?" I said it as question, as though I was seeking his approval.

"Well, don't go too far, Jake and I will miss you too much."

"Miss me, or my cooking?" I teased.

"Definitely you…so, how's your Dad?" he segued, while leafing through the sports section of the newspaper I'd placed on the dining room table.

"He's away this weekend. I don't really know where." Normally Billy would get angry at Charlie's absence and complete lack of parental guidance; however, it had become almost as habitual as my weekly cooking sessions, so it wasn't surprising anymore.

"Tell him to stop round when he gets home then." A solemn expression depressed his features and I could only imagine what Billy was reminiscing about—a friendship lost. I assumed it was guilt that kept Charlie away from his best friend. He had been the first to arrive at the scene of the accident, having spotted the smoke when he was on his nightly patrol of the isolated streets winding through the wooded areas of Forks. Jacob's mother, Maria died that evening. The medical examiners told us it was from internal bleeding, her ribcage punctured her organs when the car flipped into the ditch.

"Yeah, I will." I walked back into the kitchen and starting pouring pancake batter onto the hot griddle, ignoring the secret that threatened to pry its way out of my tightly clenched jaw.

In the span of three hours, I finished cooking chicken potpie, steamed salmon and chili con carne. I placed the meals in tupperware and stuck them in the freezer, hoping that I had trained Jacob well enough and he would be able to not only defrost the dishes properly, but also make spaghetti to accompany the meatballs I had still simmering on the stovetop.

Walking into the living room, I found Billy cleaning and restringing his fishing pole. He had a look of nostalgia on his face as he held the rod tenderly between his grizzly hands.

"I'm all done," I announced, plopping dramatically into the recliner opposite him.

"Smells great, thanks for the pancakes this morning by the way," he answered, patting his stomach appreciatively.

"Do you miss it?" I nodded towards the fishing rod.

"Yeah I do, I miss sitting in the quiet of the morning. It was always such a pretty time to be out on the lake." I pursed my lips, not understanding the appeal of it all. Fishing and I never agreed. Despite all the times Charlie had taken me on his weekend trips with Billy, I never learnt the "secret" behind catching a damn fish. I hated those trips as a kid. I was always complaining that I was bored and the worm bait was yucky, but now I missed those times.

"Well maybe Jake and I can build a boat that could hold your chair," I suggested, enjoying the idea more and more as I thought it through, "yeah…and then we could take a trip up with Charlie, I mean, Dad."

"Sounds nice, Bells, but don't feel like you need to mend my relationship with your Dad. He'll come around on his own terms someday." Billy surprised me with his genuine request and I didn't bother to hide my shock.

"How can you be so relaxed about this? He doesn't deserve your forgiveness or acceptance. He abandoned you! When you needed him most!" I countered. Recognizing his look of pity, I spoke again, "Stop that, I'm talking about _your_ friendship, not _my_ relationship with Charlie."

"Sure, kiddo. You know the offer still stands. Anytime you want to stay over for the night, whether he left you alone for the weekend, or you're just lonely, you are always welcome here. I love you like you're my own daughter, Bells, and I protect my children."

I held back tears as I returned his sentiment, "I love you, too, Uncle Billy." I climbed into his lap and gave him a tight squeeze, trying to convey just how thankful I was for his presence in my life.

"I need to get going. Alice is picking me up in half hour. I'm gonna have a long day of shopping ahead of me." I found my satchel and threw it over my neck. "I'll see you next week, tell Jake to call me."

"Don't be a stranger. Come on by during the week for dinner and a movie. We'll order some pizza so you don't even have to cook."

"Sounds great, Tuesday?" He nodded. "See you then!"

"Stay out of trouble," he yelled back.

I walked out the door chuckling because this is Forks and trouble doesn't really exist here.

I loved starting my weekends off at the Black household. It never failed to put me in a good mood. It reminded me to appreciate all the little moments, and not let something as insignificant as Mike, Jessica, or even those circulating rumors to get me down.

I maintained this mentality up until I found myself in a dressing room with Alice and Rosalie, who were gleefully discussing my freak out last night. Their gossip was definitely killing my good mood.

"You should have seen his face," Alice roared from inside her changing room. "He looked like you'd taken away his favorite toy, it was pretty pathetic actually."

My face heated at the memory of his fingers enveloping my arm, his face lit by the small flame of his lighter. I had seen my mother in his eyes, and the fear I felt when he laid his hands on me unannounced and without permission swiftly changed to anger. I was fueled by desperate thoughts of a second chance at avoiding disaster. Indeed, I had flipped on him, orchestrating a complete one-eighty, but he deserved it.

I vocalized these thoughts, "He deserved it. He wanted to drive me home. In his condition!" I took a deep breath to calm myself and avoided thinking about what could have happened if I hadn't been there.

"Well don't fret," Alice replied, sensing the change in my tone, "I didn't give him back his keys until he was fine to drive. You must have gotten through to him; he was chugging water like a champ."

"He even left Emmett behind," Rose chimed in.

"Like you were complaining about it. You were humping Emmett's leg the entire night. I'm surprised he didn't faint from lack of blood flowing to his brain," Alice laughed.

Rose twisted Alice's words, "Ha. Ha. I didn't see him _complaining_ about it either. He was real sweet, and, oddly innocent too. I had to literally place his hands on my hips."

"Maybe he's intimidated by you. It wouldn't be the first time."

"Well he's giving me mixed signals. He walked me all the way home! He didn't try to kiss me goodnight, just left me on my front porch. Not even a peck on the cheek!"

"Maybe he's gay," I interjected as I stepped out of the dressing room, "what do you think of this?" I twirled in front of Rose, showing off the legging and shirt-dress combination I had tried on.

"Meh, it's cute, but doesn't accentuate your body."

"This isn't me. I just want some white v-neck t-shirts and a new pair of shoes." I changed quickly and joined Rose as we waited for Alice to finish.

"So you really think he might be gay?" Rose asked, looking apprehensive.

"I wouldn't know. I've never met him."

"Oh, true… but he does dress well though. And he was a good dancer. And I was more than obvious last night—"

"Slut." She shoved me. "Seriously Rose, I was kidding about Emmett. And just because he combs his hair and can sway while simultaneously thrusting doesn't make him a homosexual."

She did not look convinced. I would never understand why, but Rosalie had a fragile self-esteem. All it took was one wrong look or in this case, a gentleman too scared to make the first move, to unwind her confidence. Instead of going the usual route—flattery and mildly insulting the "blind" male offender–I stuck with reality. "Maybe he has a girlfriend from…wherever it was they moved."

"California!" Alice's voice echoed over the stall.

"Thank you, Alice. Yeah, maybe there's a girl back in California."

Rosalie seemed to accept that alternative, she understood the stresses of a long distance relationship better than anyone. Unfortunately, she also knew how unstable those commitments could be and how quickly temptation could tear it all apart.

"Alright ladies, I'm finished here." Alice walked out empty-handed, even though she went in with at least twenty garments.

"Nothing?"

She shrugged, "I can make them better myself."

The rest of the afternoon was filled with more shopping and salty fast food. Emmett was never mentioned again and Alice supplied, verbatim, a review of her interaction with Edward last night. I listened with half an ear because I knew I did the right thing and I refused to feel guilty for it. In fact, I felt no remorse for my severe and blunt lecture. The only thing I regretted was not slapping him. Though I got a strange satisfaction out of ruining at least part of his evening, I knew I would have enjoyed _literally_ slapping some sense into him.

When Alice mentioned Lauren though, curiosity won out and I paid more attention to her ramblings, all the while feigning indifference.

"She was such a mess! I'm pretty sure she's the one I can thank for the vomit on my bathroom floor." Alice shuddered.

"Ew…So what, he just dismissed her?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, Lauren got flat out rejected, even with her boob hanging out. I was surprised. I definitely saw him take notice of that."

"How could he not?" They both laughed.

"I'm impressed; normally Lauren doesn't have to try too hard. Is there anyone in school she hasn't propositioned?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, it's good to know he's still clean, right Bella?"

That caught me off guard, "Huh?"

"Edward managed to deter Lauren's advances." Alice was smiling like a cat that just ate the canary. She knew I was surprised he hadn't succumbed to Lauren Mallory, Fork's very own town bicycle. I had him pegged as a manwhore.

"Yeah, well, maybe he's gay too." We all laughed.

Come Monday, my high-spirits had dissipated, following an uncomfortable Sunday with Charlie. We had arrived home at the same time, me from a hike, and he from his fishing trip. Little was said between us, as he stored his catches in the freezer. Sometimes I wondered if he would notice if I never came home.

Would he feel the uncomfortable stillness of the house as he entered?

Or would he notice at dinnertime when nothing was prepared and the oven was cold?

I sat on Alice's rock, thinking about Charlie and how our relationship had essentially deteriorated until we had become two strangers, inhabiting the same small house, and occasionally making awkward small talk. He never asked about college…Or my day…Or my life…

It was only variations of "good dinner" that disrupted the tangible silence of our nightly dinners before he went to sit in his recliner, beer in hand, watching ESPN recaps. My father was a stranger and my house felt uncomfortable, unrecognizable, like it wasn't mine anymore. The kitchen—where Renee taught me to cook, where cupcakes were made and devoured, where cabinets were repainted a cheerful yellow last summer—it was full of memories that couldn't be taken down and tossed in the garbage.

Tossed like they didn't belong to anyone anymore.

"Are you alright?" Alice tiptoed around me, snagging the cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

"Fine…You?"

"Did I interrupt anything? You seemed lost."

"Nope."

"I wanted to ask you something, but I don't know how you'll react."

"Try me." I lit another cigarette, just in case.

"You and Mike never had sex right?" She looked to me for confirmation and I dipped my head as I took a long drag. I was already dreading the direction of this conversation because…who enjoys being reminded of their virginity on a Monday afternoon? "Did he ever pressure you to sleep with him?"

"Alice, what is this really about? Is Jasper pushing you to have sex with him?"

She was quick to correct me, "No, no, quite the opposite actually."

"What do you mean?"

"He doesn't want to…you know." I had never seen Alice so quiet in my life.

"Have sex?"

"With me." I didn't understand why she had to clarify.

"Has he said those exact words?"

"Well no, not exactly." I gave her a look that told her to quit stalling and tell me already. "Okay, we've been together like two years now, and I casually brought up sex the other day. Just asking if he had given it any thought, and he said he hadn't really thought about it much."

"That's it?" She shook her head. "So what's the problem? I fucking wish Mike had been like that."

"That is the problem! He. Doesn't. Think. About. Sex. What teenage guy doesn't think about sex all the time?!"

"Well, umm…" Alice looked like she was about to cry. _Nice time to sound like an idiot, Bella._ "You guys fool around right?"

"Yeah, pretty much everything except actual penetration." I squirmed at her word choice.

"So maybe he's content with that? Why does this bother you so much?"

"Because I think about sex. A lot. I feel like the man in this relationship, pressuring and tainting the innocent. Why doesn't he want to have sex?"

"He's probably not ready for it Alice." _This argument seems way too familiar._ "You can't put a time limit on something like that. Whether you've been together two weeks or two years, it has to happen naturally, when both of you are ready."

"I know I sound crazy, but it makes me wonder if he just doesn't think about sex with me." There it was again, that clarification.

"You think he wants someone else?"

"Maybe? I don't know! AGH!" Her scream vibrated in the wood surrounding us and squirrels scurried for cover.

"Fuck. Alice, calm down. I think Rosalie is better suited for this than I am."

"I can't talk to her, she's sulking about Emmett."

"What happened now?"

"Nothing. She's too afraid to ask if he has a girlfriend, and you know how she is when she's grumpy." _A complete bitch? Why yes, I am well aware._

Once, after the Royce debacle, when Rose was understandably upset, I had tried joking around to cheer her up and that had ended badly. We didn't speak for three days because I was too stubborn to call, and she was too self-righteous to consider apologizing. In the end, Alice lured us together and we took care of it like men, we hugged it out.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Know what?"

"That you're ready for sex."

"Oh, well, I think it's the natural progression our relationship is taking. Why weren't you ready with Mike? Wasn't he pushing it?"

I shuddered, hating the onslaught of memories her question unearthed. "You would have thought it was the end of the world with the way he was complaining about it. I just didn't feel comfortable enough with him. Don't get me wrong, I don't have this fairy tale notion of my first time being all romantic with candles and a canopy bed, but it would never be in the backseat of my fucking car."

Alice chuckled, "I'm a fan of my backseat."

"I'm never driving anywhere with you again." She stuck her tongue out at me as the bell rang.

"Do you think I'm crazy for being so neurotic about this?" she asked.

"No, just stop overanalyzing and talk to him. You're acting like Rose, and melodrama doesn't suit you." Alice snickered and pranced off in the opposite direction, thanking me as she went. _At least that conversation improved someone's mood. _

As I made my way to class with Alice's dilemma fresh in my head, I began to question myself. _Am I a prude?_

Mike and I did fool around and I wasn't entirely naïve—I had suffered through a tedious safe sex lecture at the ripe age of thirteen when Auntie Flo came to visit for the first time. Renee had handed me a tampon and a condom, explaining where exactly they both went and why.

I knew how to keep myself satisfied and I did frequently, even when Mike and I were together. He had never spent much time learning my body, always fumbling beneath my panties, jumping the gun with little foreplay. Thanks to him, I had learnt the art of thinking myself into a small orgasm. Nothing like the mind numbing and body clenching ones I could give myself.

_So no, I don't think I'm a prude._

_Maybe a tease then._

Months of feigning satisfaction from our weekend hookups had given him a huge ego. If only I had the balls to correct and guide him properly, I would have been more agreeable to the whole backseat first-time thing.

If we had had sex, would we still be together?

Was it my fault then?

As I tromped into biology, annoyed with myself, I remembered Edward. It had been a couple of days so hopefully the dust had settled, but I knew things were going to be awkward. I figured two things could happen. Either Edward would be defiant and tell me off, or he would just ignore me all together.

_Please be the latter._

I never looked forward to confrontation, specifically public confrontation. My tirade on Friday night had been a rare occurrence, spurred on by months of guilt and the hope of redemption. Honestly, I was still impressed with my candor; normally I'm one to clam up during presentations, stuttering over words that lose their vitality and coherency in the transition from my head to my dry mouth.

Edward walked in late, his backpack slung casually over one shoulder, head down and hair jutting out in all directions. He sat down and I choked, momentarily forgetting to breath. The silence between us was static and I didn't move for fear of electrocution.

For the entire class, Edward looked everywhere, except to his left.

I never stopped looking at him. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of his eyes. I needed to see that they were different than the last time I saw them. Instead of being glazed over, absent and thoughtless, the qualities that had ignited my anger, they would be warm and green, perhaps full of their own ire.

I wanted to break the silence.

_Good afternoon Edward. _Too formal and awkward.

Something witty? _Do I need to take your keys away today?_

That wouldn't go over well.

_Why do I care so much?_ He probably thinks I'm a bitch and decided I wasn't even worth his time. More likely, someone had told him all my baggage, airing out the Swan gossip for new ears.

And so, we passed the hour, still as statues, notes untaken, Mr. Banner's lecture passing us by, unregistered and disregarded. My thoughts spun with Alice and Jasper…Pre-marital Sex…Green eyes…Alcohol…Drunk Driving…

"Are you having trouble Bella?" I looked up at my art teacher, noticing the clock read half past two. I had spent the last twenty minutes staring at my blank canvas, rolling a dry paintbrush between my fingers like a drumstick.

"I have a sketch." I said, pointing to the piece of paper beside my easel.

"What's the problem then? Are you not happy with it?"

"I just…I don't want to paint her."

"Forget the sketch then." She squirted black acrylic paint onto my palette, "Just work." I looked up at her, skeptical of just painting without any idea of the end product. Ms. Damesck had violet eyes today, her choice of colored contacts forever were changing and the gem-like purple was distracting. I barely heard her parting words, "Stop thinking so much dear."

Twenty minutes later, a sharp profile hunched over a book had erupted out of thoughtlessly placed, wide and heavy streaks of grey. Staunch eyes peered downward, skimming invisible text, but the boy's head angled back as though he were peering through his peripherals out at me. Fire-like hair was captured in a tense fist, elongated fingers clawing at unruly locks of hair.

I shut off my iPod, interrupting the melodious crooning of Jeff Buckley.

Ms. Damesck appeared over my shoulder, "I like it. It's much different than your normal work. I like how freely you attacked this painting. I've been trying to loosen you up for years. You always tend to focus on the minute and superfluous detail rather than the movement. This feels natural. The tension is writhing off the canvas." Her hands clasped and wove around, as if she were magically conducting her words to a symphony orchestra. "I think you need more shadow on the face, his cheek looks flat."

I inspected my painting and agreed with her suggestion. I also chose to ignore its striking resemblance to a certain bronze haired boy.

* * *

Thanks to rockin' beta Sunsetwing who (as she so eloquently puts it) "dropped her mad beat skills." You save me from sounding like a fool.


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